Curiosity kills the cat...or the mother.

Max has always been very smart for his age.  He started talking early, he started preschool at 2 years old, he was reciting the pledge of allegiance at 2 as well.  I don't know why I am even surprised by the things that come out of this child's mouth, but sometimes I still am.  

When he was younger I told him that if he played with his "dingy" that it would fall off.  One day he realized that Mommy didn't have a "dingy," and asked if I played with it too much and it fell off.  I told him that boys and girls were made differently, and left it at that. It seemed to put his mind at ease for the and more cautious about letting him see me change or come in the bathroom while I'm in there.  I am still unable to use the restroom alone, now he just sticks his fingers under the door and talks to me from under the door as well.  Well, today he busted in just as I was pulling my pants up.  He assured me that he didn't see my "mommy bum," and then he started asking questions about why boys and girls were made differently.  I ended up having to have the "boys have penises, girls have vaginas" talk.  The conversation ended with this statement from the 4 year old, "I HATE VAGINAS!" 

Max has noticed that some babies don't eat from bottles. We had to have a talk about breastfeeding.  I failed miserably while trying to explain this to him and trying to answer his questions.  I compared myself (and other mothers) to both cows and dogs.  Not the way that I had imagined this conversation going down, but I think that I recovered well.  

Obviously, Max's curiosity has grown since I got pregnant.  The other day my friend had her sweet baby boy, and as I told Max about it he asked why she had a boy and not a girl.  I told him that Heavenly Father decides if we will get a brother or a sister.  He was so happy to announce that Heavenly Father had chosen a brother for him! Then he proceeded to ask how Heavenly Father put the baby in my belly.  I panicked and said he was magic! Way to go mom.  

He has already asked how baby Hudson will come out of my belly, and I have avoided that question as well.  I suppose once the baby is born, we will revisit some of these questions, and I will be better prepared with some answers.  For now, I'll just giggle and be glad that my son hates vaginas.  

Little things mean A LOT!!

Some of the many things I miss about my husband being home (in no particular order):

1. Listening to him playing the guitar
2. Him screaming at the TV screen as the NY Giants play football
3. Having a bed buddy (the insomnia is killing me!)
4. Watching him and Max wrestle
5. Playing Screwy Louie after we put Max to bed
6. Cuddling on the couch while we watch cowboy movies
7. That moment when everyone is excited that Dad is home from work
8. His muscles...I HATE taking the trash out
9. Him "ba-duncing" his own jokes
10. His hugs and kisses
11. Seeing those darn Chuck Taylors laying around the house
12. The smell of his deodorant (I know this is weird, but he isn't a big cologne wearer)
13. Getting a back tickle before bed each night
14. Cooking real dinners (as opposed to mac n cheese, nuggets, etc)
15. Holding hands
16. The security of having my husband home and knowing that he's safe
17. Love notes being left randomly around the house
18. Pizza night
19. Going to bed and waking up next to my best friend
20. Him being home for milestones (birthdays, holidays, family gatherings)
21. Family time (watching movies, going on walks, eating dinner together)
22. Frozen yogurt and date nights
23. His scruffy face that he can only have on the weekends 
24. Being able to call or text him whenever I want
25. The way he brushes my hair out of my face
26. Seeing him and Max interact and watching what a great dad he is

This deployment has taught me so much about myself, but most importantly I have learned what a lucky woman I am. I am so greatful to have the husband that I have.  He is the most caring man, he is selfless, and no mater the distance between us, he is still taking care of me and providing me with the emotional support that I need to get through each day.  He tells me EVERYDAY how much he loves me, how beautiful I am, and what a great job that I am doing.  It's the little things that we take for granted, and it's sad that sometimes it takes a life event such as this to realize those things. 

Round 2

After my LP on Tuesday I was feeling really good.  Besides the back pain, I had little to no side effects.     Wednesday evening the headache began and the back pain increased.  I wasn't able to sleep much and it continued into the next day.  By now I had passed the 48 hour mark, and I contacted my neurologist to see what I should be doing.

They said given the side effects and the time frame it sounded like the LP site hadn't clotted off and that I was leaking spinal fluid into my body.  CSF isn't dangerous to me or the baby in any way, but with a leak it doesn't allow my body to replace the fluid that was removed.  I was told that I would need a Blood Patch procedure done.  I could head to the ER right then, as my neurologist had already contacted the doctor working.  Or, I could try and wait it out until the next day when same day surgery would work me into their schedule.  Max was at his dad's house for the night and I decided that I should just get it taken care of.  There was no point in being miserable all night if I had to have the procedure done anyways.  

I got to the ER, talked to the doctor working, and they called in the anesthesiologist.  He explained to me what would happen, what to expect, and we got started.  They would draw 20 cc of blood from my arm and insert that blood into the spinal column.  The hope is that by injecting the blood it will clot off the leak, and my body will be able to replace the fluid.  Essentially, I was lucky enough to get another LP!!

They had to use 20 gauge needles for the IV, and I had to have one in each arm.  This time they did the procedure while I was sitting up, and the needle was a bit larger so they could flush the blood in quickly.  Surprisingly enough, the procedure didn't even phase me.  The pressure in my head was so intense that the needle in my back was not a concern.  The anesthesiologist was impressed at my pain tolerance and even suggested that I try natural childbirth...probably not! 

Anyways, the procedure was fairly quick and so were the results! The "tap headache" was drastically improved within the hour, and I was beyond relieved.  The back pain has been much worse this go round, I'm assuming that is because I have been poked and prodded a little too much for my back's liking.  I was basically threatened that if I didn't take it easy over the next few days that I'd be back in the same boat.  I have been SO good, and stayed down except for bathroom runs.  Since I can hardly move, that hasn't been too hard to do.  

The holes are tiny! The bottom one is from the initial LP and the top is from the Blood Patch.  

(Please disregard the iodine and chubby back) 

LP Anyone?

Yesterday I had my dreaded Lumbar Puncture (dun, dun, dun)...  I think, well now I know, that the anticipation was much worse than the actual procedure.  

I curled up on my side as the Dr sterilized the area.  After she numbed the surface of the skin, there was absolutely no pain.  Once all layers of the skin were numb, she inserted the needle into the spinal column.  It was such a strange feeling as she broke through the layers of the skin, apparently I have tough skin.  Due to the needle being so large it took a lot of effort to get it into the spinal column, and at that time I felt a lot of pressure.  They measured the cranial pressure prior to putting the tap in.  Mine was on the high side of normal, so at this point we continue to monitor the headaches and optical nerves. Once the tap was in they drew four cylinders of spinal fluid and removed the tap.  As she took it out, she hit a nerve, and my legs started flailing out of control.  It was a strange feeling that my body was moving without my brain telling it to do so.  

I was really excited to be able to hold my spinal fluid and see what it looked like.  I thought that it was going to be a milky/foggy looking fluid, and it wasn't at all.  It was so clear and basically looked like water.  You could see some cells floating around in there though.  I really, really wanted a picture...but because it was a sterile field and I didn't have my phone or camera on the procedure table, I missed out on that opportunity :( How many people can say that they got to hold their own spinal fluid though?

After I was cleaned and bandaged up, I had to lay flat for about an hour as my body reacted to the procedure.  Max and my mom were able to join me in the procedure room as I waited it out. Max was such a champ and he waited so patiently.  He played the ipad, read some books, did some puzzles, and kept a very close eye on his mama.  

As I left, they prepared me for the side effects.  The worst, most anticipated one for me, was the "tap headache" I heard people talk about.  I have most definitely experienced that, but laying flat and not making sudden movements have brought me a lot of relief.  The only thing that I have had a problem with other than that, is some pretty intense back pain.  This has actually effected me the most because I was not prepared for it.  I sat up last night, in tears and not able to sleep, because of that darn back pain.  They said that the first 24-48 hours are the worst, and that there should be much improvement after that.  

Thank you to my mama for the emotional support yesterday, and for all the help with Max.  

I am SO glad that is over with!!

Mr. Max

Max knows that when he misses Daddy Drew, that if he looks at pictures of him, it makes him happy.  So each week before he goes to his dad's house, he makes sure we take a picture that I can look at when I miss him. 

 He was in the bathroom giggling and making noises. I thought he was making faces in the mirror, when he came out looking like this I was a bit surprised! He wanted to look like a football player with the black face paint...I think he got a little carried away with the lotion though.  

He already loves his brother so much!  He loves to kiss my belly and talk to it, but his newest thing is to sing to him.  His song of choice you ask? "I Am a Child of God"

 Safety first...good thing he remembered his helmet!

At the end of the day, this is the most fulfilling role I could have.  Being a mom has been the most amazing experience. After we say our prayers (which that alone will melt your heart) seeing him so peaceful and innocent really shows you what it's all about.

Remembering 9/11

It's crazy to me how much time has passed, yet how vividly we all recall the tragic events of that September morn.  Even here in Utah, not having a single connection to any persons involved, I remember that feeling.  The feeling of terror, sorrow, and disbelief.  How could this be happening?  We all remember where we were, what we were doing, and watching it all unfold on the television screens.  For a brief moment, it's was if time just stood still.  

Here we are 11 years later, still fighting a war that was a direct result of that day.  Lives are still being lost, soldiers are still fighting for our freedom, and people will continue to disagree on whether we should withdraw troops, or have even went to war in the first place.

I chose to stand behind our troops, and I know that those lives lost were not in vain.  What would our country be had we sat back after such events? We would not be the country that we are today.  We all enjoy the wonderful blessing that being an American brings.  However, only a select amount of men and women are ready and willing to put their lives on hold for the greater good of the United States of America.  Thank you to those soldiers who sacrifice so much.  

To those who have perished, to those families left behind, to all of those effected by this day, may we take a moment to remember those events and those lives.  

A view from my husbands base in Afghanistan.  I bet they remember the events of 9/11, and I bet they couldn't be more proud to be soldiers of the United States Army.  

It's finally official!

Today I am a very proud wife.  

When Andrew and I got married, the last thing on either of our minds was the gospel.  We aren't proud to admit that, but it was a dynamic in our relationship that we were missing.  As we prepared for this deployment and our future as a family, it was something that we realized we needed to focus on.  We were both raised LDS, but as adults weren't active and had some questions.  We knew the only way we would find answers to those questions was by reading our scriptures and praying.  Prior to his leaving Andrew purchased each of us a set of scriptures and we started reading together.  Our goal was to read daily and for the first time in each of our lives we wanted to read them, cover to cover.  I study scriptures differently than Andrew, so it was interesting to see the things that he got from a chapter compared to the things that I took away from the same verses.  He remembers stories and specifics, where I study more topically and pull away things that apply directly to me and/or my situation.  I am so happy to say that we have both completed this goal, and finished the Book of Mormon in about six months. 

Since in Ft Hood, Andrew has been attending institute classes twice a week as well as Sunday services.   He has made such progress and has shown so much growth and dedication to the gospel.  As we prepared for baby #2, he realized that with his current status he wouldn't be able to bless our son.  That alone was enough motivation for him to contact the Bishop here at our home ward (from Afghanistan), work long distance through a branch president and district president,  and took the necessary steps to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood.  Today, among his Army family and friends, he was ordained an Elder and I could not be more proud of him and his decision to do so. 

I have never in my life had a priesthood holder in my home, and I am so greatful that my husband cares enough to share this blessing with me and our children.

Initially it was something that we wanted to do together, but we both realized that it needed to be done at our own pace.  Individually our testimonies have grown, our hearts have softened, and the desire to have the gospel in our lives and in our home has grown.  I cannot wait until the day that I can be sealed to my companion and my family for time and all eternity. 

Nursery Time

I've not had any desire, since I was about 8 weeks pregnant, to do anything baby.  I feel like I've been so sick and focused on Max that I haven't even had the desire to prepare for this little one.  Up until this last week, I hadn't even purchased a single baby outfit.  This is so not like me, I am the type of person who likes lists, likes crossing things off my lists, and likes being prepared.  

So I went online and started looking at crib bedding.  First of all, I forgot how dang expensive this stuff is. Second, I had no clue what I was looking for.  I have been somewhat obsessed with the color grey and I love the chevron pattern, and I was lucky enough to find something that was exactly those two things.  I figured it was pretty gender neutral as well, so I can use it in the future IF and WHEN we decide to have more kids.  

The only problem was that the off white furniture that I had would absolutely clash with stark white bedding.  My "decorator" and I decided I would have to paint the furniture black.  It was a very bold color, but I couldn't be any happier with how it turned out.  I have an armoire that I am going to paint an antique blue, and we will accent with that color as well.  

Crib before:

Crib after:

Changing Table before:

Changing Table after:

The nursery still looks so plain and bare, and I still have so much to do before he gets here.  Being on bed rest isn't going to make that easy. At least I feel like I have made some progress, and the big project is complete!